Why adults have affairs?
Chat about a loaded subject that no one wants to speak about, that’s it. Funny thing, affairs have been going on since ancient times. Affairs can be loaded with problems, cause despair, and other harms. In addition you have to wrap your brain around all the other issues, there’s that truth and openness matter, finances, age difference, spiritual upbringing, guilt, and on and on. I expect there will be some strong opinions about some of this.
For the intention of this post I shall classify an affair as a long term, maybe years long relationship of a sexual nature between two individuals of whom one or both are married to other persons, date married.
Why do people have affairs? There are as many answers as there are seeking extramarital affairs. I suppose mainly though it is just the human nature, the need for liking, belonging, to be wanted and cared for, the caring for others and wanting to be loved and cherished. Here are a few reasons I have run across.
Biologically we as humans are all sexual creatures. Nature has us set up to reproduce, to have sex. Sex is enjoyable and exciting, and sex makes us flee the real world for a short period of time. This excitement exists for whatever amount of time we are able to keep the adrenalin levels elevated enough. Some people are able to turn the wish on and off, some are brilliant at controlling it and others are so-so at best. But we all have it, young and elder, able bodied and not so able. It is the Human condition. For some of us it is the sex act itself that drives us. For some of us it is the stimulation of the chase. For some of us it is the seduction, for some it is the caring for another person, for some it is the desire to be appreciatedloved, for some it is the total romance thing. These wishes and yearnings can be so strong they rise above the taboos the world has erected against extramarital affairs. For lots of individuals the yearnings will defeat their doubts and make them risk the anger of not only their relatives, but society also. So why, what is the means?
Sex Addicts, perhaps some of us are. Sex is awfully pleasant, better then drugs, a natural high. If you are in this group of physically obsessed sex addicts and can find away to have sex and not hurt your relatives or anybody else? You will need to reduce the hazard you are taking. If you have the attitude that a good affair is one that is beneficial to everyone, then good luck.
No love at home, or no romance. I think this is the biggest group, colossal really. There are many couples whose marital relationships is over, apart from they are happy in the way they exist, and upsetting the extended families is not on their list of things they wish to do. You love your other half but there is no romance. Then there are the kids to look after. Your assets are so entangled. You need the medical insurance, and so on. There are a lot of reasons to stay together besides love and sex.
Physical reasons, there are some people who can not have sex. They have physical circumstances that stop them completing the sex operation, at least not with their othere half. An marital affair from time to time solves the problem while keeping the marriage intact.
Avoidance, sorrowfully this is a frequent reason I fear. One or the other, frequently the gentleman is sexually neglecting his female for a tones of reasons. As a male I truly appreciate you guys neglecting your girls and making them available to us males of romance, making them “hot milfs” But I still think it is despicable that you are neglectful. Also there is the spouse who is neglectful until the wife or husband has an affair, then they condemn them for doing so, when they where the catalyst. Those who neglect, then condemn, are not just neglectful, but evil.
Something is just misplaced in the marriage, I can not put my finger on it, but its not there. Perhaps its romance that is missing, could be it is a lack of love, could be compassion is gone, maybe it is the intimacy, could be neglect. Could be we have simply grown distantly, our general interests diverged. Could be it is that what I want, and what I want to do the rest of my life, is opposite of what you want. Could be I simply do not know what I want from the marriage anymore. Could be, just maybe I miss that emotion that when I am with you, it just feels right.
The ultimate reason people give is, they search for the passion that is missing and so very much longed for.
There are other reasons, the feeling of power, to get away, for financial gain, for retribution and so on. I am sure there are more reasons why people have affairs then these. I only stop because if this gets too long no one will read it.